So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
