dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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