She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
