Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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