How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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