im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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