Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
