i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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