Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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