You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
