dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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