do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
