My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
