SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
His nipple licking is glorious
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