I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
