i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
True strength comes from lack of pants
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
