I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
