then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
