uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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