Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
