And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm both gender and math confused
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
