The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
