Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think my moral compass just broke
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
