Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
