goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just cropdusted the office
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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