Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
