My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
