it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Randomize
