OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize