and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
