Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
