Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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