Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I could fuck to npr.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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