Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
