all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
