I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
