Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
