Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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