i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
