Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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