I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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