1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
