ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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