by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
