are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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