Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize