I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
