A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
