WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
