meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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