All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
