a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
