he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
