The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize