Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Two words: nipple clamps
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