I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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