i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
