All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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