If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it was like eating out sand paper
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
