Heybabeimwearingurpanties
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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