all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
