No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
