the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
