Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
