I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
