Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
