When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
